Victory belongs to the most persevering

i love you..

2005-06-02T15:15:00.000-07:00

you have been my life, without you.. i feel so lonely. i am so dependent on you. sigh. do you know how much i need you in my life? do you know how much i love you? a day without you is like a day sitting in an enclosed area, doing nothing.

your smiles, your laughters and all simply brightened up my day.. when i was sick and down, you are ALWAYS there for me. Looking after me, nursing me, feed me, shower me and even put me to sleep. where can i ever get a lover like that? who cares and would do anything and everything for me..

i know you are not that brave. even if i want you to take something in the kitchen, in the middle of the night, even after his death, you would willingly go.. i am touched. very. i love you sayang.

dont get me wrong, baby. i love you not because you would do anything and everything for me. i love you for who you are.. i feel so lucky to have someone loving me unconditionally. you would go through thick and thin with me.

your touch, kisses and all.. simply turns me on. they are special to me. i will treasure every memories of ours, every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure.

i promise not to neglect my life and i will love myself too. i will take very good care of myself. you have to promise me too, baby.
no secrets and all. and if you want anything, tell me baby. i would want to do stuffs for you too. and not only you, doing stuffs for me. i want you to be demanding too. alright?

sigh, you are sick now. i hope you get well soon. let me be the one taking care of your needs from now onwards k? i love you , sayang.

2005-05-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

scene 1: some bitch in the bus.bitch is sitting in the inside seat in the bus. man sits outside.bitch stands up, indicating that she would be alighting and that she wants to get off.man moves 90 degrees to his left, providing enough space for the skinny bitch to stand up and walk out.bitch : excuse me, i'm going to be alighting here.man: (moves 20 more degrees, he quite a shrewd, timid man.)bitch : do you mind?man: (looks at bitch imploringly, shuffles more to give her more UNNECESSARY space)bitch: excuse me, i'm trying to get off here, so can you get off your seat and stand up?ok fine so the man did as he was told. i said out loudly that she is very rude, and i stared at her while she shot me a deadly look.well maybe she thinks it's deadly, not to me. SORRY BITCH. i've gone through much more worse than that.stupid stuck up bitch, she's not some queen of the highlands, you live in the opposite block of mine therefore don't think you can hold up that nose of yours in the air.why am i angry, you ask?well i am angry because i am obviously taller, bigger and fatter than her and NEVER HAVE TOLD A MAN TO GET OFF HIS SEAT.sure, if she has some skin disease that causes her skin to scrape off her flesh at the mere contact with the germ-infested handle of the bus seat, i would forgive her.BUT NO, I SEE FOUNDATION ON HER FACE. oh i'm sorry, BUT IS THAT LIP GLOSS ON YOUR LIPS!OH IS THAT SCHOOL UNIFORM ON YOU.so fucking rude. hmph.

IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXIST IT IT DOESNT EXISTI T DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT EXISTITDOES NT EXIST IT DOESNT EXISTIT DOESNT EXSIT IT DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST IT DOESNT IT DIESNT IT DIESN TI DOESNT EXIST IT DOESNT IT DOESNT IT DOESNT IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST FUCK. IT DOESNT EXIST.it doesnt really exist in real life maybe only in my head and in my head a lot of things exist and i type this with my eyes closed what a talent but i think it's more of a bane than a boon and a boom if your thoughts are like mine and i'm tired of listening to myself why dont you make your thoughts known as well? try it. type with your eyes closed or pretend to and remove all inhibitions. no one says hello to anyone. do you understand all we hear is goodbyes and never hellos and the deepest of feelings that we feel is the sadness when someone pulls your heartstrings.

2005-04-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

Baby, I can never explain the feeling I have had over this last week, it seems months, maybe it is because every moment you have been gone has been filled with memories playing over and over in my mind, beautiful memories. The fear that clenches my stomach is beyond comprehension, to live another day with out you would not be living, you are my breath, my pulse, you make me whole.At night I am afraid to go to bed, though I am so weary from emotion. When I fall, I wake when it is still dark and try as I might to go back to sleep, I cling to my pillow and know that I must occupy my mind to keep from dying of pain. All the things I have seen, everything I have believed in, my instincts and knowledge guide me. For the first time in my life I felt like a real person, knew my life was about to change, to become normal with no more pain, and then the worst agony that I could ever imagine replaced that joy that was to be. I fill my days with anything I can possibly do, I don't stop, as though I am running from the thoughts of you trying to bring my tears. The house is immaculate and renovated, my muscles are sore from all those chores, But no matter what I do, you are right in front of me, everything reminds me. Romantic movies, the things we were going to buy, you are in every corner of my house. Baby! I am exhausted and tonight I stopped running and it caught me, the tears won't stop.

One week without you is like one moment without air, like one day without food and a week without water.One week without you is like a month without sunshine or shelter.One week without your voice is like a year absent the sound of music, or of birds, or of rain and thunder.One week without your comfort is a week without sleep, for my heart knows no rest, and my nights give no peace.One week without your love, and my days are empty of beauty; though I see about me everywhere others whom are called beautiful, none of them compare with your visage as I gaze at your photo.One week without speaking with you is like years alone in the wilderness or a deserted island; though I may talk with people on the streets, my soul has no communion.One week without you is like a year in a prison; though I may come and go as I please, my soul knows no freedom.One week without you in my life is like no life at all!

Dad has been a very good father now. Whatever i want, without much hesitation, he will buy it for me. My birthday's coming soon, so i can at least ask for something that ive been wanting for sooo long. We got back all the love, care and concern from him. i love you daddy. please remain this wae and we will love you more.

Cant believe i woke up just to make breakfast for my dad even though my maid is preparing his breakfast.. Love you all..

Ouhh ~~ mummy's tummy is showing!!! hehhe..

2005-04-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

sister's birthdae is tmr.. what should i buy for her? i'm feelin so restless. i have no idea why. could it be i fucked so hard? LOL!!! Gotcha, nah, followed my parents to work last nite.. helped with the loadings of newspapers. luckily im BIG & STRONG... Haha..

I wake up every morning with the thought of you in my head, wondering if I had dreamed you up the night before, but then I roll over and see your smiling face and I know that you're real; it's not a dream any more. I know I can piss you off and make you mad, but you still love me with everything you have. I was scared to love you at first, in fear that you would hurt me, but I dove right in and it's the best choice I've ever made. Now, the only fear I have is waking up and rolling over and finding out I had you only in a dream. If this is a dream world then, Baby, don't wake me up 'cause you're the one and only for me. I love you with everything I have and would give you the very clothes off my back. I love you with all my heart.

I am so ashamed of the way I treated you. As I hung your clothes back up in our closet I realized how lucky I am to still have you. I never want to see an empty space where your things should go again. I made a big deal out of nothing. And took the big things we shared for granted. I am so sorry. You have given me so much more than I ever realized. I am so thankful for what we have. And everything we will have. You are the only man I ever want to share my closet with! I know we have to work on some things. I will do my best to make it all better. I will always love you. And you will always be my one and only.

2005-04-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

mum went to the doctor, finally. after much persuasion by us. it costs her $277! dad didnt complain. in fact, he just paid. so willingly. haha, had so much fun. Rizan was there too. We shared the joy together. oh my dear lil bro, why are u so notti? keep moving ur leg? u refuse to show ur wankie, uh? doctor saidhe's gonna be active. she even measured the head of the baby. i just cant wait.. 2 weeks from now, mom's blood test will be out. cross fingers and toes, nothing will happen to her.

Now, i feel weird having you around me. Im so used to cuddling with you whenever u are around. but if i were to do that, u'd definitely think im trying to be nice. look, i don wanna start a fight or an argument.. i simply hate that. u noe, it comes naturally for me. to just talk to you and ask you questions abtou yourself. i feel now.. i cant even share mundane stuffs with you. its okay, i wont disturb you. looks like u are busy too.. with sms-es too. im glad u have found someone to be there for you..

on a lighter note, i was on national radio!!!!! only god knows how fast my heartbeat was. it was on Ria(89.7). they have this segment Pelik Tapi Benar.. direct translation.. Weird but Real.. So i shared with her abt my experience i had during our trip tp the maze.. luckily i have an mp3 player that could record.. so, asked my parents to record.. When i listen to it, oh no.. i talk like a minah!!! Muahahahah. Fuck u, wiccan minahs! i simply hate them.

Anywae, i met this guy.. His name is Ravi. He's such a nice guy. i asked him.. wat made u wanna meet me..?

he: im so impressed by u.
me: arh? wat is it?
he: ur language. u are so well spoken.
me: ha, dont bootlick me. wad do ya want? ciggie?
he: im for sure, the first time u replied my msg, u were so polite and all.. though u didnt
noe who i am, initially.
me: chey, im just being polite. i dont wanna scare ppl off.
he: im good at judging ppl, sayang. i noe wat is ur strength.
me: wat? my language? dont call me syg, u are freaking me out
he: Ye ur language. U should do sth with it.. take up writing, journalism..
me: i think ur drunk. let me send u home.. hahahaha..
he: im not.. im speaking the truth. do u noe i once taught eng @ hscs?
me: -jaws opened- wow!! no wonder u speak good english.
he: come on, lets booze..
me: aight, cheers!

he told me he's organising a birthdae party for me since my birthdae is coming..

HEY!!! MY BDAE is coming!!!! Better buy me my presents uh!!!! Muahaha. :X

2005-04-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

and today, this is what i've learnt.
-someone that u might know for so long, might just betray you. trying to bring you down. aint its weird, the longer u know someone, u think, its easier for you to bring him/her down.
but u cant. cuz u've got the wrong person to mess with.
-some people who 'supposedly' have SAD lives pretend to be strong by bitching about others and destroying people's happiness.
-this world is full of envious people who doesnt know how to handle their envy. and being THAT. is the saddest thing ive ever seen.
-people tend to create lies in their heads. twisting truths.

CONCLUSION. humans work in mysterious ways. first thing to do is, be mysterious.
never tell too much. and dont get tricked by what people say.
PEOPLE are all messed up in certain degrees.
and not everyone has a pure heart, esp here in this fucked up shit hole.
if only people tend to REALISE more.
im not against people, cuz im part of 'them'. i just hope that other people could help to make this world a better place, without being selfish.

let us all SCREAM together. WEEEEEEEEEEE.
screaming is somewhat an enjoyable therapy to kill all sorts of stress and intensified negative emotions.
so, let us all be un-ashamed of ourselves and let our spirits soar as we yell the fuck out of our heads.
oh how that helps.
im just feeling a weenie bit twisted now.

ridge

2005-04-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

Finally, i played pool with my dad. It was so fun~! He taught me how to play snooker too. He paid for everything, so all i do was to play. :P We( my cousins and I) really enjoyed the game.

Thanks to Hasri, for leading us in the maze. It was so spooky and all the experiences we had after the maze, it was an adventure, fun filled one though. :D Rizan, thanks for being brave too. By standing at the back and 'looking' after us. Hehehe..

Just that, the next time we try not to book the Pasir Ris chalets. Yucks & sucks. Downtown East still the best~! Oh yeah, went to wild wild wet with them too.. Bullied hasri all the wae for his protruding... erm...erm.... u noe wat im talkin abt.. Hhahaha..

is it just me or my higher self is giving me weirder and weirder dreams every night? that made me wake up in a jolt. and a whole lot of confusion. so heck. so i didnt wake up on the right side of the bed. so i had a rough night. so whatever. i didnt really let those affect me. but i do feel weird. i guess is just me. and my mood swings. oh well. i dont even know what the hell am i yacking about. but these days i do feel inspired to do some works of Art. only i didnt motivate myself enough to make me do the job. its the rushing of things in my head that gives me weird ideas. i just feel like writing down something. oh well. today. i basically wasted alot of time outside. but not really aimlessly.

2005-03-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

Todae was absolutely fun. Had a great time with my lovely cousins! Went shopping for stuffs @ IMM. Headed to Chevron to play bowling and later decided to play pool. Thanks Hasri for teaching me how to play pool. Didnt noe pool is such a nice game! Heheh. Realised that we had more fun pool-ing than bowling. Cuz of that stupid longkang!! Kan kan kan, HASRI? :P

i cant believe WE bought..erm..erm.. should i sae it out...? Erm, that thing.. u noe.. in the box...?
Haha, like.. what is it for? :D Normally, it would be me teasing others. Luckily she wasnt that attentive when she scanned that thing.. :P What are you guys thinking of huh? :P

nothing to blog animore.. think should take my leave and start downloading songs for this weekend fun!!! cant wait baby!!

i could never smile again.

2005-03-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

when they say lighten up... can they feel this emptiness inside me? can they see where i've been? can they ease the pain behind my smile? can they see i feel suicidal? can they see i'm dying inside?

when they say everything will be alright... can they see i tried so hard? can they see i've given up? can they see i don't believe it anymore? can they hear me cry out? can they see i've been pretending?

when they tell me they care... can they see that i don't know anymore? can they see that i'm lost? can they see that i'm broken? can they see i'm already halfway gone? can they see i don't?

can they see i blame myself?

2005-03-27T13:01:00.000-08:00

"high on life" showcase on channel 5.a lot of chinese songs, a lot of chinese stars.what, is it only for the chinese?what abt the minority races? what Mediacorp? you don't care about them?yeah i reckoned.."oh let us save ourselves, polish ourselves up, and let the others be a lesson to our young, that we must NEVER be like that."and taufik sang an english song, and tt indian drummers. but other than that, they're overshadowed by the cheenas singingcheena songs. and yes some cheenas sang english songs but it was all pre-recorded.more to say, but i think i'll better not. :)p.s: i'm not a racist. i'm quite diverse actually.

this little boy beside me, he told him mom his tongue went into his neck.The only way such a thing could happen is when you're french kissing ur partner, and even tt ur tongue could never reach the throat.well i am running out of hope.right now, i am imagining myself slitting my wrists while everyone watches on till my last breath.i want to buy cigarrettes but its too freaking expensive.Seriously, even death is expensive in this world.

"you're people dependent...one way to torture you is to take you away from people and shut u in a dark room you'd rather live in a one room flat with all ur family members than in an opulent mansion aloneyou love colours..you like to stand out and you hate to conformyou like..no LOVE to be surrounded by your friends and family..u treasure them."

i found something online while surfing:Is it essential reading for today's stressed out lover? Cadillac Carter thinks soThe Kama Sutra. Judging by the pictures alone, to get the most out of this ancient Sanskrit text you'll need the following:a lover with a penis like a bendy toya man who can place his legs behind his ears and keep them there no matter what else is going onthe acrobatic skills of a circus artistthe ability to orgasm while doing the splits hahhaha this is so funnyyy.... for those who dont know what the hell the karma sutra is read onThe Kama Sutra was written between the first and fourth century AD by an elderly Indian sage and was introduced to the west by Victorian explorer, Sir Richard Burton. He translated the book in 1876 but it remained illegal in Britain until it was published in 1963, when it sold like hot cakes.Only a third of the book deals with the erotic. It describes 64 sexual arts - that is eight different ways of making love multiplied by eight different positions within each of these ways. (If you can do them all you were born with tentacles, not limbs, and are missing your vocation.) In the Kama Sutra, sex is divine union - a celebration of the act of creation. Making love was only a sin if you did it badly. My, how times have changed . . . According to the Kama Sutra, you must do whatever it takes to spend time on a lovefest that will have both of you whimpering with exhaustion. Preparation is essential: sprinkle the love room with rose petals, dowse the bed with perfumes and burning incense, have your handmaidens drown your skin in perfumed oils and keep aphrodisiacs, such as onion syrup, to hand. Camel milk and honey will give your man marathon erections and prepare him for your piece de resistance, the Hanging Posture; 'the woman lies face downwards and the man fixes cords to her hands and feet and raises her by means of a pulley fixed to the ceiling. He then lies under her, holds the other end of the rope in his hand and lets her down, so that he can penetrate her. He raises and lowers her until he ejaculates.'

Todae, bummin down to Sentosa!

FAKEFAGS

2005-03-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

Dot co dot uk, that is. It is a great laugh! Like many others, I thought of this idea as well, but http://fakefags.co.uk actually did it, and feature self-adhesive labels to stick over those ludicrous health warnings on fag packs the government make us stare at time and time again.

Visit them and suggest your slogan. Maybe you're lucky and you'll win a carton of 200 free ciggies. Here's mine: Even life itself is a fatal disease. If you've got a website, put a link to them on-line and you'll get 50p for each order of labels they receive from visitors coming from your site. Oh, and remember: It's not necessarily nicotine or tar that cause cancer; it's guilt.

There's a story behind this (could be straight out of the X Files): Young family moving into new apartment - after a while the kids have regular visions of 'ghosts' - parents decide to let an exorcist take care of it - exorcist uses sophisticated videography technology to capture 'ghost'.Concentrate on the dining table, but don't fixate on one single spot.

Look at the table, then towards the window. If you listen carefully, you can even hear some kind of whispering very faintly in the background - use headphones or turn up the volume a bit.It may take a while until you'll recognise the 'ghost', so be patient. Creepy as it is, it's definitely worthwhile.

(Not for the faint hearted though ... don't blame me if you get scared)

http://home.comcast.net/~n9ivo/whatswrong.swf

i do not see the point of living anymore. i don't know what i'll choose if God asks me to choose between life and death.. but for absolution's sake, i'd choose death. List of people who'd cry for me when i'm dead:

1) no one. 2) no one. 3) the maggots. crying because i'm bad meat.

list of people who'd come to my funeral:

1) no one.2) no one.3) my parents. to make sure i'm dead.

i know, one day, something will go seriously wrong

another sad phase..

2005-03-13T15:40:00.000-08:00

Please leave me. I don't want you to suffer. I would rather be alone than to be accused of all those shits.

Help me live my life with my head up high, being proud of you and me and not being afraid of going out there.

So, help me close this book of the past cuz im missing you so much. Yearning for things i should have, i deserve.

Tapi mengapa.. Kau tak berubah...? Ada apa denganmu? - Peter Pan

When i ask for a room of privacy to myself, u start to have all those doubts. Thinking i'm gonna hang on the phone with someone else, flirting and watsoeva shits.

No use being honest and faithful to you. U dun seem to believe. God, this is so childish. All these are an act of secondary school kids! I have so much to sae.. I guess i shouldnt publish it here. I respect you and therefore im gonna keep it to myself and cry in silence.

Stolen, you took away my heart. Now its the same sad story we all know.. It's crazy but im fallin apart.

2005-03-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

The way you Kiss...It makes me melt..When I melt, I need you more. I need your kisses, I need your love. I know you were sent from above. Sent from above to make me melt. The way you kiss me, your lips on mine. It lets me know, you are mine..Sweet ones, juicy ones, passionate ones... heart beating, soul taking, lip breaking..... Wow! Baby, you're the greatest

so un-motivated

2005-03-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

Todae is Sundae.. and i've yet to complete my freaking assignments and projects!! Common test is round the corner; next week.. BSA & OFP.. i am so gonna fail.. Maybe thats the reason for me feeling so unmotivated..

Alex is kind enuf to give me concessions.. I must work hard...!!!! U can effa. I feel so helpless... When they want me to get back to school.. everyone will say the will help, guide, teach..etc..etc.. Now im helpin myself, teaching myself.. but still ... where's that EVERYOne who says they will help? Especially my EFW teacher..honestly.. i give up on her.. Each time i ask her sth, she will ignore me and get so busy with her work. For goodness sake, put that aside, its lesson time!!

Finally, i own a video camcorder and digital camera to myself!! Hahahhakz. Thanks a lot dear.. for the digi cam.. Love you soo0o0o mucH!!! -MuacKs-

My friend has the spongebob theme for sony ericsson...!!! its not fair.. they are only usable for sony ericsson phones!!! Now i hate the sight of my phone, NOKIA!!! I wanna change phone.. Can dear? :P

i have so much to sae to you. I doubt you would even wanna hear it. Not a single thing i say, will make you believe.. So, im gonna keep mum about it and ill suffer in silence. You win. If some things are better left unsaid, then maybe they too are better left undone. You can't change the world but you can always change yourself. So, if you and I start to change then we have already begun changing the world

2005-03-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

yes yes i know some of you are saying my blog is becoming boring.THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE NORMAL! YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE NORMAL!all you normal people should be CASTRATED! TO HELL!and people like me, s t r a n g e but true people like me, will be given a chance to populate the world, and have multiple sex partners and still not suffer STDs that are spread by PEOPLE LIKE YOU! NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE YOU!SDP does not necessarily mean Singapore Democratic Party. it could also mean Strange Demented People.And PAP does not mean People's Action Party, but it could mean Pampers Advertises Poopoo.and MOE does not always mean Ministry of Education, it could be Members of Enchicalada

2005-03-10T17:55:00.000-08:00

The moment I saw you, I saw love. When you kissed me, I could taste love. You whispered in my ear, I heard love. When you embraced me, I felt love. I see, taste, hear, I smell, I feel. From that moment til now, your love is real. I want to hold you tight so tight, right now. The way that I adore you, I'll show you how. Your passion's so sweet, can't you tell. Every time we're together, it cast a spell. A spell that truly, burns my soul and causes my heart to lose control. When I saw you, I couldn't wait the chemistry was magic, like fish with bait. Every moment I'm with you, I know for sure that sparks ignite from a love so pure. With your face in my hands your eyes shine. They sparkle with charm; I'm so happy, you're mine. When I'm blushing, blushing with heat;you're doing the things, that swept me off my feet. All the things that made me, fall deep for you; They remind me that true love, always feels new. Like your smile that stopped me, in my tracks; and made me run towards you. I'll never turn back. You're my darling, my love, my man; No sweeter love, anywhere in this land. Will you walk with me? With me all the way? You'll always be my light when darkness clouds my day. Lets kiss, and kiss some more. Melt my soul, like never before. Like sweet wine, so lucious, so sweet.Yes, you're the reason my life's complete~

2005-03-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

I need an alarm system in my house. So i know when people are creeping about, these people are freaking me out. Its getting hectin everywhere that i go. There's things they all wanna know I'm paranoid of all the people I meet. Why are they talking to me? And why can't anyone see?

I JUST WANNA LIVE~!

Don't really care about the things that they say. Don't really care about what happens to me. Stop your messing around BITCHES better think of your future. Better make some good plans.

You never know what hard times will come your way. We've already seen the worst that this life can bring.

Positive thoughts. Postive thought. Po-si-ti-ve thoughts! I must do this. I will. I can. I mean.. not necessarilymy triple A's , though it would be nice. Effa & genius do not go together, not really. I might not have the brains but at least i should have the heart , right? Besides, i got pretty solid backings from the ones i love and love me back. Just 2 more months of hell..a little after that, im free..Except maybe from anxious anticipation. But hey, if i did my best, i wouldnt have to worry, right?

Focus effa.. focus..You've done it before..Im sure you can do it again. Last semester, you feel like giving it up, but you stuck by it anywae.. Nvm, this time, i'll live through it nonetheless and prove all the critics wrong~!

and so..it begins now..the road to pre-battle.. walk with me dear?

The rest is still unwritten..

2005-03-07T23:19:00.000-08:00

He is friendly. He talked, smiled and even laughed with me. Why? Why the sudden change in his behaviour? He cant be having PMS! I dont understand you, daddy.

Dear, YES!! I love youuuuuuuuuuuu! Thank goodness your mum brought you old phone. At least i can sms ya while doing my own assignments.

To Farah, nice knowing you. Such a small world. Link me, alright? I will link you when im free.. Thats when i can 'play' with my templates. Cant stand the fact that i get dc-ed every 10 mins!! Worst than a dial up.

I am so enjoying todae's lesson with Mrs Ng. Im so in my own world. Hahaha. Listening to my mp3 player, internet sms-ing with my baby and checking my mails. HAHAHA. Life's so good!
Looks like i have to complete my BSA project, ALONE!! Never mind, i can manage. :D

"I threw away my phone, I thought that you should know. I throw away my home, if i has somewhere to go. I couldnt tell you why he felt that wae, he felt it everydae. I couldnt help him. I just watch him make the same mistake again."

You were my eyes when i couldnt see. You were my air when i couldnt breathe. You were my strength when i was down. Where were you when i was alright? You left me thinkin i'll be alright.

Khairin - Full time bitch, part time slut. Whoever who wants to get to know her, tag me. I'll give you her number. She'll be glad to know more jerks and bastardss out there. HAAHAH.

Ok, study study. Later Mrs Ng nag nag nag. hhahahaha. :D

Sex Issues

2005-03-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

There are several reasons why so many women rely solely oh their "love button" for sexual pleasure. In fact, an estimated 70 per cent of the female population experience orgasm through some form of clitoral stimulation. With much reading, i realised that most women's primary site of erotic response is the clitoris. Because? The nerves in the clitoris are plentiful and sensitive, very comparable to the head of a man's penis. Sometimes, we could be guilty of neglecting other body parts that may offer a similar mind-blowing buzz - a phenomenon we've called "clitoral dependency."

0, o

2005-03-05T20:32:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking.. circles are a funny shape. They're paradox by themselves. complete yet so void. Emptiness inside, completion outside.

I will contain my fears.

I dont really feel like talking much anymore. I mean, not that i dont talk, I do. But the periods in between speech and silence are getting longer, lonelier.

slowly, surely, im losing myself in this chaotic whirlwind.

Im glad Alex gave me the confidence to move on with my studies. In return, im gonna study smartly and do him a favour back. I have completed all the assigments he gave me for OFP.

Not only for his subject, but for Lim Peck Gee to0. :D

TILL then.. Studying tiMe.

beyoh

2005-03-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

Took my first EFW exam earlier. I swear i had no idea what its all about. Anywae, ironically, i find the paper quite easy. "Nurul,there will be no extension. Pleaase take the paper or i will KILL you!" That was what my EFW lecturer said. Another one..

"Nurul, i am really shocked. In less than an hour, you absorb all?!? Whatever the class have been learning for two months? You are something! Im suprised. Please proceed to higher accounting and dont give up. Dont work. If u never go higher accounting, i'll KILL you!" that was what my book-keeping lecturer said.. Well, whats with the word KILL todae. Haha!

I feel high.

SEDUCTIVE THOUGHTS AND DESIRES

Turn down the lights. Slip into something comfortable. Snuggle with your partner and read these seductive stories for lovers together. You might even finish the story...

He comes to me each night and I long for the day to end just so I can be with him. He fills me with his spirit, and I am satiated. By now thoughts of him occupy every corner of my mind and I can feel the swelling and heat that comes from the memories of him. Carelessly, I allow my hands to run down over my stomach and fall between my aching, swollen loins. Ecstasy envelops me and it is all I can do to stop myself from falling backwards onto the bed, surrendering myself to these blissful yearnings.
The wind blows the curtains billowing into my room, breaking my reverie and I move to the window. I can hear his voice calling me in the night. My name on his lips! How I love to kiss those sweet, delectable lips. I know he’ll be here soon. The silk wrap on the chair shall be my blanket. The feel of it on my skin makes me shiver. I lie on the bed and wait.
Slowly I drag the fabric up over my body. The coolness of it make my breasts scream and nipples taut. I let it slip between my legs and feel it pull up against me, as I slowly drag it. I am completely covered. He will enjoy coming in and seeing me this way. Lying in bed, naked and waiting only for him.
My eyes are closed, but I feel him drawing near. The wind blows in again through the window. I feel the softness of it caress my skin. Then I’m not sure if it is the wind or his breath I feel. The silk scarf falls away from my body as I wait for him with great anticipation.
I feel him trace his finger over my cheek and then my lips. I want to take it into my mouth but he draws away. With my eyes closed, I can’t see him. I only feel him. His finger continues over my chin and down slowly along my neck. I take a deep breath as I feel a shiver run through me. I know his eyes are drinking in my nakedness. I can somehow feel his heart beating quickly; I hear his breath coming in a soft whisper. He is calling my name, teasing me by brushing the silk scarf over my breasts. I arch my back, aching for him to touch me. Wanting his hands to cup my breasts, massage them. I long for him to roll my nipples between his fingers. The silk scarf slides lower down my body and I am exposed entirely in the pale moonlight.
I know he must be enjoying this moment. I am his, and his alone. I feel him draw near me. He whispers in my ear - a husky, beckoning call filled with an urgency that we are both consumed with. His lips are on the nape of my neck, his hands tracing circles around my breasts. I am paralyzed with ecstasy. My lips are begging to be kissed, and when they meet his the desire in my body comes alive. I nibble and taste him. I long to just run my tongue over his lips, to suck on them. His kisses fill my body with waves of delight as his hands rub my nipples and softly squeeze my breasts. I must have more of him.
I hungrily kiss his neck and run my lips to his chest. My hands feel the tight muscles in his back, as he so carefully lets his body hover over mine. I am lost in this emotion. I am lost in his touch. Like a doll he puts his hands under me and pulls me to him. There isn’t a questioning look. He understands my need. His lips hungrily find my breasts, and suck on my nipples as my intense moans grow. Fingers are running down, pressing in between my legs. Oh, how I want to feel you touch me. They tease, feel, play and I push my hips skywards, urgently wanting them inside. Longing for them to penetrate deep inside, to satisfy that intense desire.
His Lips are like fire moving down my body and I feel his hard maleness moving from my thigh down. I sigh and press my hips deep into the bed under me. Enticing him to move lower, screaming in my mind for his kisses to reach farther down. I am his goddess, my moans his call. He is rewarded with every soft moan and sigh as he lets his lips fall to me. His tongue presses between my sweet lips; tasting the desire he’s created. My mind blank, my body moves with a rhythm of its own. My fingers run through his hair, as he teases me with butterfly kisses.
Feeling his breath against my thigh, his tongue dancing, I am drowning in a wave of rapture. A moment is lost; there isn’t thought or sound. Only the explosive pleasure he brings to me.
My eyes flutter open and I see him. A glow from the window washes over his body. I reach for him, pulling him to me. He pushes his body against mine, his hips between my trembling thighs. He takes my hands and puts them above my head, his fingers wrap around my wrists, holding me there, immobilized by his strength and desire. I slowly feel him press into me while my lips eagerly meet his. My breasts arch into his chest and slowly he starts making love to me.
He continues to hold my hands away from his body and only allows me to explore him with my lips. I am insane in wanting to touch him. I want to pull his hips into me, run my hands over his back. I want to gently trace his lips and kiss them greedily. I seek out his lips, and bite down on them as his thrusts inside me quicken. I can’t breathe as my body consumes him. The sweat rolling down his back drips onto my stomach and he groans as he nuzzles into my neck and sends me reeling. I drag my hands out of his and reach for his body. Stroking him, feeling his skin, pulling him so deep into me that I want to scream, from sheer passion. I hear myself calling out his name and he responds with a soft moan. I push him from me and turn onto my tummy. I drag his hands around me until I feel his chest brush my back. I sway my hips into him and tease him until he grabs them and takes me forcefully. Both of us moan from the sheer animalistic desire that takes over. The urges to just devour each other. His hands reach and squeeze my breasts. I push my back into him and turn enough to reach his lips with my own. Ragged breaths. Strong moans. Deep, hard strokes. He clutches me to him and with a final plunge into the depth of my soul, he shudders against me. He is mine. For that one suspended moment, we are one. Phantom lovers, spirits that mix together, and share a passion, in the darkest still of the night.

So, all my other friends are happy that im back. Except for some Malay bitches. HAHA.

Alright, Nurul..Just a few more months. Bear with it.. Cant wait to migrate to Australia and take my foundation course there. I'm suprised that i can take the foundation course ( A levels) in Aussie. In Singapore, u need GOOD O Level results to take A's. I dun even have O's. Haha..
Alex said with money.. anything also can.Yeah, agreee!!

Ah, so many projects to do. Luckily they are all easy. Its REALLY easy. Tomorrow is my FIRST CA and todae is my FIRST dae in school. If i can pass off well, DANG~ I'm something. Heheh. As if.

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined. I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned. Staring at the blank page before you. Open up the dirty window. Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find. Reaching for something in the distance. So close you can almost taste it. Release your innovations. Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else, no one else. Can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten ..

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines. We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

A.L.E.X

2005-03-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

Yes, he managed to make me come back to school! He's good at convincing others' man. Well, he got the marketing skills. He should be a salesman instead. Walking around sellin perfumes!! Hahha. Kidding bRo.

I will listen to him and come back tomorrow, Wednesdae. Will see how it goes.

Dear, thanks for being there for me yesterdae. Enjoyed ur company. I was feeeling so down and u managed to make me smile and LAUGH. We even had a great time at the kitchen, right darling? Hmm, cooking can never be any more enjoyable without my darling. Did i get my sentence right? Hahah. Darling, love ur mum too. Didnt expect her to give me $! LOL. ANywae, love you both alright.

I loved him like no other man; I did not love his laugh. I did not love his smile. I did not need his touch. But, the one thing I needed from him was for him to always be there

The whispers of the past are nothing but the smoke of a candle, waiting to be relit, for the essense of the same fire that burnt once, still resides within..

Till then.. -P0of-

Rifa Maisarah

2005-02-27T21:34:00.000-08:00

Rifa, my niece. She's sooo cute. How can she not cry when ppl around her is making so much noise, singing? Hahaha!! How i wish i can turn back time and be a baby back. Then, everyone will go.. "Eh Eh.. TEMBAM nyer!!!! Boy0t!!!" :P Ok, my dae was better today.

Sha was willing to meet me to be my listening ear. I had to cancel on her. Stupid dad(as always) wanted to go out and buy his stupid stuffs. I've always hate him. Argh. Better talk abt something else. Im sorry my dear Sha. Muacks!

Finally, my grandfather is here. Which means.. this house will be polluted with his ciggies' smell and smoke!! I hate it. He smokes KReteks! Least, i smoke Marlboro. :D

Hmm, im feeling super tired and very PMS-y. My voice is strained.

and... i refuse to think(and thus blog) about anything..

Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss

Everyone's Looking For Me..

2005-02-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

Hola back to Nad, Sha and some others unexpected friends of mine.

Why is it that when im gone? People start to flood my inbox? Honestly, i received an SMS from my friend, Sha. She asked me what has happened, where have i been..etc..etc.. I'm touched. A friend like her whom i rarely contact, messaged me and even volunteer to help me. I'm meeting her for lunch soon. But what happen to my own friends? No, they cant be considered as friends. They dissed me. They hate me. Reasons? I was chosen as the monitress. I was selected to be the student councillor representing my own class. I was selected to go for attachement @ Noel.
The reason why you guys are not selected is because, im the best! Argh, thats all i can say to make myself happy.

Nad, im suprised you leave a comment on my blog. Thanks. :) Well, i didnt expect you to ask my friends abt my whereabouts. That means you still think of me. :P Hahaha. Kidding. Whatever it is, thanks for at least.. hmm... how should i put it..? You know Nad.. Thanks a lot. Actually, i've been going through a very rough patch now. I need to talk to someone but i dun think i can express everything out. I talked to my dear, but i cant seem to know what is really bothering me.

Finally, i got the VCD that i wanted. Drumline! Yes, i know its an old movie but i happen to watch it when i was in the hotel, overseas. Realised its a very fun and interesting movie. Why it caught my attention is because .. its all about drums. I love drums. =)

Dear, i would like to say thanks. Many many thanks for ALWAYS being there for me. Hugs and kisses!

These days, i enjoy writing down my feelings and thoughts on my notepad.. Here are some of the poems..

the gate is open,the environment looks so friendly,and the sun shines on me.. What a bright day.I put on my best smile.as always,ready,confident.but that's not who i really am.the shelter leads the way.my eyes roama sea of strangerslooking, looking, looking.just one, i pray,just one familiar face...but there are none.where are all my friends?losing myselfsilence.a pat from the back,"time for class", he saidbut everyone's gone.where are all my friends?i stand under the scorching sunalone.solitude in the bright and even-though-friendly environment.

Crashing like the tidal waves, I dun wanna be stranded. But, again and again. I've been stranded.

Like a can of preserved fruits. That's me, im sure. Eat me in times of "needing-me". Chuck me when you had enough.

More to come... Till then.. C ya..

"My darling's a poet now!" my dear said..

2005-02-25T12:16:00.000-08:00

Rustle in the wind?

Well, not really.
I wish i can open up to him.
I cant.
Fear.
Threat.
Urgh, fuck it.

I am tiredness exemplified and amplified.I am weary of it all.I am aloner.I need to have a break. Have a kit kat.Or something similar to that.Dear sin, remember in sec 3, we were so convinced we were twins?Maybe, somehow, maybe we are.You’re sick, and I’m becoming sick.Trust me, you’ve never seen me like this before.

Am i that unimportant?
Am i that insignificant?
Staying home for the next 2 daes..
I will render and devote my ..
TIME
ATTENTION
To poetry and prose.
And if i'll bleed.. i'll bleed..
Knowing that you dun care!

Asphyxiating. I get inspired so easily.

2005-02-25T00:50:00.000-08:00

I’m stripped,I’m totally naked.I feel so insecure.It’s days like these…I feel so unsure.So complicated…All these thoughts, Running thru my head.I used to feel so safe…But now I’m so afraid.The walls around me they crumble,I’m vulnerable.Somebody save me…Bring me back to sanity.Distorted views plague me,I can’t sleep.Please… give me peace.Take away my pain,Bring me back to life again.My wounds will never heal.My scars,Are a bitter memory.I’m stripped,I’m totally naked.Bring me back to sanity.

It makes me so tired. I feel so uninspired. My head is battling with my heart. My logic has been torn apart. This infection. Adds to my collection. Hoard my pain. And show it to you one day. Feeling lost. No one in sight. Whats happening?Am i losing all my strength?My say. Your say. Clashes all the time. No one's admitting defeat. I give up. You win.

Loneliness is my only best friend.

2005-02-24T14:20:00.000-08:00

Right now I am sitting at my computer desk with three candles lit in front of me. Each candle represents one of us. One candle is small and enclosed on all sides by glass except for the top. This one represents you, YOU KNOW WHO U ARE. You are surrounded by lots of people at school; they represent the glass. But you aren't true friends with everyone, are you? That is why the opening at the top is small, and you only let your truest, most best friends into it. The larger one is you, YOU KNOW WHO U ARE. It sits on a glass candle-holder. But it is surrounded by nothing but air on the outside. Every molecule of air is one of your friends. But in the center of the candle, there is a ring. The ring makes a small hole in the center which seperates your regular friends from your closer friends. The other candle represents me. That candle is sitting on the other side of the table. Its flame has burned so long, the wax does not have time to melt and it is almost overflowing. The candle's heart is crying for she does not wish to be alone. The two other candles sit together, also crying. Between them sit a notebook. And yet, when I stand up, I can smell their sweetness all mixing together above the notebook. Even though the candles cannot be physically together, their hearts still linger side by side by side.

Loneliness is my only best friend. Always there for me. There are some simple joys in my life that can make me happy too..

:SIMPLE JOYS:Warm hugs.Loving parents.Hot chocolate.Giving gifts.Feeling appreciated.A good friend.Smiling for no reason.A laugh of sadness.A cry of happiness.

Hmm, my dear just messaged me. Asking me out for lunch. Should i go? I think i will go. At least i have a reason to smile later & maybe i can ask for some ciggies. Haha.

Alright, till then.. i'm outta here..

SIDETRACK: If u are looking for a good and sinfully delicious ice - cream, buy La Cremeria from Nestle. :P

Enuf!

2005-02-23T14:55:00.000-08:00

One word to describe me now : S.U.I.C.I.D.A.L

Yes, im feeling that now.

I'm gonna get super vulgar!

2005-02-22T23:48:00.000-08:00

I want everyone in the world to know that my dad simply SUCKS!!! I mean it. S.U.C.KS to the core.. If there's such thing as CORE-EST.. He is one!

He's so heartlessss!!! Who could be more heartlesss than him? No One!! Oh, he's a good father?
I beg to differ! Honestly, seriously and really... i dun feel like he's my father. I dont think so he treats me like his daughter. Well, i wont lose anything.

Mum's feeling sad now cuz he dont trust my mum. He gave her $15,000 for household expenditure and stuffs. Now, coming to the end of month, balance is $1400++ and he accused mum of spending the money leisurely. Like, what the hell??!? I dunno how to explain.. I feel so fucked up now. How i wish i can juz buzz anyone to lend me their ears. :(

I'm glad i subscribed to this online journal. For what i noe now, no one near me know of this blog of mine. Well, its meant for outsiders to read. I want the whole world to know that i have a very bad father. Maybe, if things get really fucking worst, i'll PUBLISH his name and I/C and all details about him. Let EVRYONE noe!!

Okay, im crapping and my sentences have gone haywired.

I need to smoke.. Ah, where am i suppose to get ciggies at this hour?

Am I Back?

2005-02-22T19:30:00.000-08:00

Finally, after so many weeks, i've met my Class Advisor. Aiyoh, face so many pimples. U stress without me in school arh? LOL. Just kidding. Well, im supposed to come back tomorrow. Im not ready? There's so many things to do, catch up and even do.. Should i go or should i ...? Btw, what is prodigal son? Can somebody please explain to me? Hahah..

Mum agreed to pay for my drum lessons!! Haha, this is so interesting. I've been interested in Drums since I was 12? When im in my Pri school Military Band. Ouh ~ that was lame. Hahah.
Well, all off my wishlist 'cept for one thing, my driving license. I took it once and failed. Urghh!
Mum, stop nagging. Yes, i will go and sign up for the BTT, when im free and not feeling lazy. :D
Well, its all worth it. She's paying everything for me and i even can have my own car. Ok, dear please convince me to take my BTT once again, maybe ASAP? There's a straight bus from school anywae. Hahaha.

Todae is our 26th month together. I feel so happy though there's a tinge of sadness in me. I dunno why. Could possibly me my stupid maid 'DROPPED'by dear's shirt and couldnt find it animore. Not one but two pieces!! I bought it with my own money for my dear and she didnt even apologise!

Hrm, think i should pack my school stuffs and get back to ABC mode. Enuf of relaxing and stuffs.

BKK, BSA, OFP, PROJECTS??? How am i supposed to cope? Alex.. U gotta help me. I'll definitely help myself also LAH.

If I Was A Rich Girl..

2005-02-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

First, i would like to thank my dearie for making our vacation a wonderful vacation. It was splendid. Remember the lady at the Nando's Restaurant? Hehe, she's so sweet and friendly. Having you by my side each time i woke up, its something special where other couples cant really get, right? Even though the hotel's lift is kinda annoying, we enjoyed the rest right dear?

Good Hotel + Good Food + Good Location + Good Dearie = B.E.A.U tiful life.

All good things have to end and now im back in Singapore. Ouh, boring life. When im there, i got watever i want. Everything ranging from clothings, shoes, accessories, watches.. perfumes.. We even had our own limousine!! See, how wonderful life is when im there.. When im here, yes, i can get everything i want but.. Its just.. I dunno. Maybe there's no where else to shop and go and my dear's busy with school.

Last but not least, i hate my dad. Seriously, our relationship .. going far apart each dae. I dunno what's happening to him.. i simply hate him. Ahhh... I wanna runawaeeeeeeeee.

Dont Let It Happen Again Plz..

2005-02-16T10:15:00.000-08:00

You could have taken some precautionary measures. You can avoid all these, why are you being so stubborn? Would you wan history to repeat itself? U kept saying you dun have the money.. Well, I have money. I swear i can pay for you no matter how much it costs. Dont be selfish. You have someone inside ur stomach. Its not only you alone suffering. Dad is being heartless too. Dad, mum's suffering! Cant u see??? U still force and let her carry those heavy bundles of newspaper. For goodness sake, please empathy with her situation. All he thinks about is earning money but not once, the welfare of our family. Idiotic father.

I'm off to KL in 2 days time. I dun have the mood animore, dear. I'm worried for my mother. What if...... Sigh. I dun wan to be thinkin of the worst but i cant help it. You know how i've been yearning to carry a baby and been wantin to have another lil bro/sis.

Went to Kiddy Palace to buy a baby gift set for my niece. She's so adorable. Babies now are lucky. They have Levi's, Oshkosh Bgosh, Baby Elmo and all those Disney Characters for their clothings... They are super cheap to0. Sigh, when can i buy baby gift set for my mum.

God, its 2.40 in the morning and im shedding tears. Cant help it. Im having anxiety breakdown.
I need someone to talk to. Who? Now? Ahh.. Ok, i have to cool myself down..

Think i wanna go for a drive.. Ciaoz.

God Bless My Mum & Her/Him.

I'm sick.

2005-02-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

I may not live any much longer. I can sense.. i can see my deathbed..

Happy Valentine's Day!

2005-02-14T23:30:00.000-08:00

Seems that i have this habit of updating my blog once every MONTH. Hahaz. After that, everydae for a week or two...and stop!

Had a great weekend. Won lottery. Hahahha... Had a great dae todae too.. Received lotsa gifts from my friends and My Dearest Dear. This year's Valentine's Day is a memorable one.. Will be going to KL with my dear for shopping and we will be staying in a five star hotel!!! Omg, this is a dream come true.. Just me and my dear! =) Thanks for the cookies, roses, spongebob merchandises, 37 Degrees purse..etc..etc.. I appreciate that a lot.

Dad talked to me earlier. In a SOFT MANNER. Well, its gonna be for a while only. Heck with him. But i got one thing to sae, he looks cute and handsome in his current haircut. Ok, enuf abt him. Dun wanna spoil my night.

12th February 2005, the day that i will never forget. Went clubbing for the first time ever. Met many of my SC'S friends. Hahahahah!! Ironically, they club too. Got to know there's crisis between Val & Sha.. I pity Sha a lot.. Oh anywae, love is blind. Im sticking to that! *smiRks*
I've not been attending classes for the past 1 month. Since i missed that 2 weeks lesson coz of my injury, i dun have the mood to go for classes. Its like i missed a BOMB and i'm having my frist CA during the first few weeks of Feb. Where can i scratch time for that? I'm not the kinda person who likes to rush in my studies. Like duhz???!!

During those 'hols', i learnt something. A new language. That is Spanish.. So fun and exciting..
hehehehe!! Let me show you guys what i've learnt so far.. :P

How Are You? : ¿Cómo usted es?
Thank You : gracias
How's Your Day? : cómo su día
Take Care : tome el cuidado

Those are the few that i remember well for now.. The funny thing is that the very first word that i wanna learn is "DEAR". Hahha.. So here it is.. "Estimado"

Life jus keeps getting better for me. Hopefully it will last..

Buuuuutt.. last but not least.. got something to confess...

"Arrepentido, im tal desilusión a algunos de ustedes. "

"I've improved a lot", he saiD

2005-01-14T10:20:00.000-08:00

" just the way i feel"
I was right, for he didn't turn up.I knew he wouldn't; and I was almost glad he didn't, for two good reasons.One, I do not have to freak out over how I would react upon seeing him.Two, his absence meant something else to me.And yes, I almost smile to the thought of that and nevertheless the fact that I worried myself silly the night before over the issue. Perhaps, all that was worth it after all.And the thought lingered on...
"Why is it that I found myself weaker when he was around?"
and contrary,
"Why am I stronger when he isn't around?"
"Is it meant to be like this?
Is this a training ground for future pathway or it is a permanent mark in my life journey?
What will the end point be?"
Despite my curiosity, I know that is no absolute or quick answer to that.But surprisingly, even to myself, I'm contented with how I am now.And supported by the fact that I didn't shed a tear yesterday. True that I may be close to at certain times but the bottom line is I didn't cry. Regardless if that is because I am stronger or not, I am just glad and proud of myself. Good work, Nurul .Once again, the loss is registered but I can manage. I want to manage. I can do it.At the same time, somehow or another, I feel I'm being watched- being in the thoughts of and considered by, and I don't meant just my beloved "Atuk".And somehow or another, regardless if those are true or not, I am just contented with the way I feel, for now. :)

GOOD nITE..

2005-01-13T08:31:00.000-08:00

Had a good nite with one of my guy classmate last night. Heard his story. Pitiful. So was I. Finally, the truth is out.. I know what they have been feeling abt me. Well, i muz not show my anger. They are juz a bunch of useless pals. =)

Anywae, im happy to get to entertain him last nite. At least im there for him when he's down. I feeeel soo happy. Had a good sleep also. Hahah.

Yeah. Mrs Ng was right. Its called Karma. Stick to your religion.. in times of troubles or feeling lost.. we have our religion to guide us.

Mrs Ng starting soon... BSA!!! RulesS!!

CDP ?

2005-01-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

Anything related to customers.. sux! I have two modules related to customers. Thought we are taking bkk as our elective module. Haiz. Why are we eveb being connected to these type of modulessss.. Im having CDP class now @ SR4 & surfing the net as well.. How fun!! Hahha.. That is why i have the time to update my blog. If its boring to ya, stop reading then. No one ask ya to read..U noe whu u are? Hahahah!!!

Why can't you just let me do the things I wanna do? I just wanna be me! I just dont understand.. why would ya wanna bring me down? I'm only having fun.. I gotta live my life man! Im tired of rumors started, im sick of being followed & im tired of peoply lying say what then want about me. Why cant you back up off me? Why cant u let me live? Whatever it is, im gonna do it my way~!

" how do people wake up with the feeling that 'they hate the world'?"
the moment you open your eyes, that dreaded feeling surge back through your every vein and pore in your body.you breathe dread, you exhale dread.good morning and welcome to the world i hate.(some times, i wish i can just blame it on depression and throw my logic and sensibility into the wind and live in my own fanatasy world)

"avoidance is often a resort of confusion and doubts"
i sensed that long ago but i didn't wan't to probe as i see no need.perhaps both parties are just as confused, upset, lost and hurt by the respective party- just like i feel.but frankly, i've no other resorts either.should i just leave it?i'm so tired.but that can't change the fact that they are avoiding me

maybe i am just turning more and more 'autistic', like someone i used to know;or maybe i am just being selfish.whatever it is, i better don't think too much as that may overload my tiny little brain.i guess, i will just keep away for people meanwhile for self-therapy.

P.S:Dear, miss ya. =)

Okay, CDP ending soon.. Its EFC time.. Same teacher... ;'(

Scho0o0ooL!

2005-01-11T12:17:00.000-08:00

School has started. I'm happy for achieving a very good results! My teacher is super impressed of me. Well, Mrs Ng, I've proved you wrong. Hheehe..

I really wish i can volunteer my services for the tsunami victims. Even when it comes to going overseas to rebuild the facilities, i dun mind. I enjoy doing community services. Too bad.. cant find any organisation to volunteer. Alex juz talked to us abt 'donating' our services by doing some flag day thingy. Well, -p0nders-.. back to the old time.. Sec school...

Realised this semester, i will be having super long hours @ school. Like the normal office hours.. 8 - 5! Excluding students' council activities.. At times, i dread going for SC's meeting.. So boring...

Ok, Mrs Ng starting her lesson already.. zzzap!

I miss my dear!!! Muacks~! Will be meeting u soon.

Assholes!

2004-12-28T22:49:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen..… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole..…
now this is where the theory begins..........
She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naive. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action.
I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action….. The nice guys Ive known have been down this path for all of their post-pubescent life and it has gotten them NOWHERE.…at least not in the women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole......
Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it.… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you.
Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself...… because he has listened to it all.

Oh Weee...

2004-12-27T12:40:00.000-08:00

Wow, it seems that nearly a month i've not been updating my blog. Well, was tired after i reached home anywaes.. Attachment's over!! How happy.. Its been tough and hard for me.. Im glad im able to complete the attachment without any problems. Well, not major ones.

Checked my results at my working place. Everyone's crowding behind me to take a peek also. My heart skipped. Should i check now? What if i fail? That will be so embarassing. Gary, another friend of mine from Student Council.. gave me the support.. I checked and VOILA! i SCORED 2As & 2Bs!! Hahha, scored A for the subject i dislike. OFO AND OFC. I've proved Mrs Ng wrong! Im so happy. That was my most happiest dae at work. Hahha.. U guys might be wondering.. how abt the rest of the daes? Well, torture. Dont ask. Hahha

4 more daes to start a new life ahead. 2005. I have quite a few resolutions actually.. The most essential one.. To get my driving license.. Took my basic theory earlier.. FAILED!! ahhaha...

Gonna take again.. wont give up..

Hmm.. back to my results.. come to think of it.. If its not cuz of my class advisor, My Alex Loh.. I wouldnt have make it. He supported me all the wae.. Must thank him. Is he back yet? Kinda miss him.. hahaha.. Miss bullying him..

Where should i party this Fridae? Tot of going Sentosa.. but.. i juz dun like going there.. Haiz, headache! Thought of going camping.. but juz dunno where.. If anyone of ya out there happen to read this.. can ya post a comment abt any places that's nice to pitch a tent? Thanks!

Till then.. juz wait for my next interesting updates.. ahhahaha!!!

Camps?

2004-11-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

Talking about camping, its been a long time since i last attended a camping trip. Im sure the future camp that im going will be fun and interesting cuz its been organised by my dear lecturer, Mr Alex Loh!!! Hehehehe...

But, i aint sure of the Student Council Leadership Camp.. Hopefully there will be no talks.. I hate talks. Had EFC exam earlier. Thank goodness its kinda easy. Aiming for a B at least. -cross fingers and toes-

Actually, nothing much to say lar.. So.. till the next.. =)

Taufik!! Go0o0!!

2004-11-23T15:50:00.000-08:00

Digress a bit.... DAMN! SYLVESTER ACTUALLY GOT INTO THE FINALS?!!!! OH my god! Please lah... I seriously have nooooooo freaking idea what's so gorgeous or wonderful about him! Eeeeeeee can't really sing.... Ah lian ah bengs young girls & whoever.... please lahhh... even if ur eyes are blinded i'm sure ur ears have been dug righttt..... sheeeeesh yuck yuck yuck... Anyway taufik's in so weeeee :) hahaha
Ahhhh what a wonderful rainy day... Where emotions keep gushing out.... Ahhh all i need is sentimental music & a good book to read...... YEah ritee dream onnnnn!! Bleargh study muddy to be done... I miss him already..... sigh... oh well till next time.... Hmmmmmm...

Did something pass through me only to pass me by again....Hmmm... if i should ponder more....I doubt I would even know the absolute answer. Unless...... truth is to be told directly...Was it just coincidence or the mind playing tricks?But that couldn't be possible right? It's two seperate events sumhow connected.....It was never discussed nor mentioned. Yet.... it happened....Is there a meaning behind it? I certainly have no idea.....Should I hope that there would.....?hmmmDid it seem like something changed ? Or maybe it's just me thinking too much...

There she was standing right in front of me...Wearing a pink polka-dotted white dress.....and when i looked down..... YikEs! What could it be... but weirdly-shaped hello kitty slippers???!! But the first thing that caught my eye....Were the vibrant colours printed on her back...& i meant her BARE BACK!.....bright greens & reds....Pictures of dragons & whatever chinese characters were tattooed to her back . WeoW....Weird..... So is it A.C (act cute) or was it.. hmmm mainly garangg...*fierce tattoos*freaky.....don't dare to stare anymore....

Middle of a tuesday raining afternoon..... I knew i had stuffs to do.... But all i've been ending up doing is fall asleep!... Short naps here & there.... Too much of lying down that it feels so tiring just to stand up & move around...

NOooo! It certainly doesn't look any sort like an alien or anything of that sort.... nor has it changed shape! Been getting this weird heady feelings..... like my brain's been detached & is sloshing ard in my skull... then the vision starts blurring.... & woooo.... a bit of faint kind of feeling... it's just weird.... thought i'll only have that when i skipped most of my meals that time.... Hmmmm... Shall be more careful... Don't want to be swaying ard

Stop being such an arse

2004-11-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

Love.... is it forever? or is it only meant to fill short segments throughout ur life... Having loved & lost.... Does everyone still hold on to that faith called love? Wouldn't everyone want to be loved? I believe so.... It's just a matter of whether they show that want or they do not.... what's wrong with showing that u want to be loved? It doesn't make u any weaker nor more desperate than others..... We're just human... Having our own needs & desires... It's a lonely world out there... Having someone who loves u can really fill ur heart with all the warmth & happiness.... *sigh*

Bleahz

2004-11-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

Sittin' here starin' at the wall
Another lonely tear falls
I'm tryin' to write you this song
But I can hardly see the page at all
‘Cause it's breaking my heart
When I look in your eyes
And I don't see me anymore
Oh, and you're all I'm living for
Baby, tell me that you still believe
That you still love me
The way I love you
If you take your love away from me
You know I would die
‘Cause I'm not ready for goodbye
Baby, please pick up the phone
Tell me I'm crazy, I got it all wrong
I don't know what I'm gonna do
I don't know how to live without you
You are the first song
My heart ever heard
And baby, I-I believed every word
You are my heart, my soul, my world
Baby, tell me that you still believe
That you still love me
The way I love you
If you take your love away from me
You know I would die
‘Cause I'm not ready for goodbye
Every breath that I take, every beat of my heart
You know it's all for you
I wanna hold you, I wanna love you
Forever and always
Baby, tell me that you still believe
That you still love me
The way I love you
If you take your love away from me
You know I would die
‘Cause I'm not ready for Goodbye

Mugging?

2004-10-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

Question of the day: Why am I still here instead of mugging?

Honestly, i don't like being a peer tutor. You always anticipate to perform better than the rest. Duh, of course right? If not you wouldnt be given the title, "Peer Tutor". Another 4 more days, i'll be the official councillor. I cant imagine how things will be. Will it be worst than the current situation? Haix...

It's okay. Kept telling myself that, hopefully, i'll make more friends with the other councillors. Afterall, its not that bad. I wanna guide my other friends to excel in their studies too.

Why am i feeling super lazy today? Oh yeah, sidetrack, saw Raghav yesterdae on MTV. He's super duper cute!!! Ok, enough... I feel like going for a swim tonight but i have piles and piles of work to do especially EBK. Oh yeah, received feedbacks from my class that Alex, Ooi & Ang... all 'action'. Hahaha. Why? Because of the auditing. Eg, TKS, we dont always do TKS during its lesson. Always replaced by EBK. When auditing comes, we are supposed to act as if we know everything about the PDCA skills. (Plan, Do, Check, Action)

For Alex's lesson, he will be teaching us a chapter that we are most familiar with, so that we can answer any question & that simply shows that he is a very good lecturer. Hahaha, lotsa comments from the class. All I can do is to just sit down and listen. Its better for me not to say anything. This teacher even promised us to buy chocolates for us. Oh my, Bribery!!

Not only the teachers will be very busy when it comes to auditing. Even, my myself and I will be very busy HELPING Mrs Ang. Each time she comes in the class, "Nurul, can you help me to . . . . . . . . . . . . " -Oh, my pleasure CHER-. :P

Very hilarious and cute.

When is my Pall Mall gonna finish.. cant wait to buy Texas. Hahahahahahahahh!!!

Eh, suddenly thinking of Jasmine Teo. Wonder how is she doing. Wanna email her, scared. "I'm a very busy woman"

Snakes & Ladder

2004-10-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday. Should be out shopping.

Here i'm sittin' in front of the computer table playin' Snakes & Ladder with my lil sista.

Though its fun, but still something in missin'. What is it? I have no idea.

I'm shifting soon. Somewhere near. Why do we have to shift anyway? Should have migrate.

Isnt it better?

I had a great night last night. Went to Max Brenner to have a drink with my baby. The ambience was so unique. Before that, we ate our dinner at Bugis. *Drooling*. My baby's so cute yesterdae. *Melts* Hahahahahahha.... Finally, i bought my Natural Goodness Dinosaur Jelies. Saw the Vodka Twistshot going @ $3.20! -Dont give in to tempation-.

Okay, my baby just messaged me. We are going 'crabbing' today! So funnn... Who cares whether its the fasting month or not? I dun give a damn. Haha. I will be going there with my lil sista. Too bad my second sista is having a terrible ulcer. *Laughs* Oh no, which means, if lil sista follows... i cant.....Hrmmm..... *Puffs Puffs* Hahahaha.. It's okay. That's not a problem.

I lost to my sister. 4 - 2. Cant play that well. Hahah.. Ok, im off for now..

Love ya baby........

What's Happening?

2004-10-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

Seriously speaking, i dont feel like going to school anymore. I have no idea why they are doing these to me. It all started with Hawa. I have no grudges against her. I would love to spend time together with you guys once again but you guys are pushing me aside. Munirah, the number 1 eye-killer. I dunno whats with her. She always gave me this i'm-pissed-with-you look. Just what have i done? My friend recommended me to go for counselling. But, for what? Ha!

I told Alex that i can study well despite all the problems but i cant. Kept telling myself to ignore them but i cant. It starts with Hawa's group then spread on to Monica - Jacintha - Eva - Sheila - Juli - Hafidz's group. Haiz, i dun wish to be in that class. I'd rather stay in a class full of Chinese students! There's pattern, i realise. All of them dislike Alex. Ha! They are unhappy because i'm close to all the lecturers. Darn. All these often leads to self-hate. Low self-esteem.

When i'm always with the Chinese group, they will make a fuss. Just what do they want? Do they want me to be alone and just look at them enjoying themselves? Juli, u are the oldest person in that group. Cant you see i'm suffering? Cant you see i need you guys? Well, i doubt you care man.

Urgh!! Really arh.. i feel like pulling each of everyone of them to ask just what is happening!!! Can anyone out there hear my woos?? I dont think so. The funny thing is that all the lecturer seem to know of what is happening.

Mrs Ang: Nurul, what is happening? You seem to be unhappy. You've changed a lot.
Me: Yeah, im aware of that. I myself not sure.
Mrs Ang: Dont mix with them since they are doing this to you. Hang around with the Chinese better.
Me: *NoDs* Yup Yup.
Mrs Ang: I even aked Alex, whats wrong with you.. I pity you.
Me: *Teary*

I wish to quit school. I dun wanna go to school. Can anybody help me?

2004-10-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Can't you see that everything that I do, I'm doing it because I have to? When I tell you that I don't want to be with you I say this because I have to. When you ask me if I love you and I say no - even though it's a lie - I say this because I have to. When you hold my hand and I pretend to feel nothing - even though it feels so good - I do that because I have to. When you look deep in my eyes and I long to tell you just how much I want to be with you, yet I tell you that we could never be, I say this because I have to. When you hold me in your arms and I feel protected by the warmth of your love

And when I see you walking away with tears in your eyes I want to run to you and tell you that maybe I have made a mistake and we can make this work but I let you walk away because I have to.You see, I have loved and been hurt too many times, so I have let down my guard and covered this broken heart of mine. I have given up on love because it gave up on me. So, if I were you, I would not try my chances on this broken heart, just turn around and leave me. I am sure you will find someone who won't hurt you

So, I let you go and my heart aches because I can feel the pain and the confusion you are going through. I also feel the pain of letting go what could have been the best thing in my life, but you see, I can't do it anymore ... tried it too many times before. You know what the saddest part is? I am willing to live with the pain of never knowing what could have been than risk my heart ever again. I am so sorry

B, i love you. Very much.

2004-10-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

From all the experiences i had, I can conclude something;

1. Never disparage your partner

I find most people in relationships are usually looking to return to "that feeling" you have when you first fall in love. From my personal experience, the loss of this feeling comes from each partner losing the respect they had for the other when they first met. Remember your love will NOT be perfect, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve your respect and love. Don't try to make your partner "better." You loved them exactly the way they were when you first met them. Don't let time change that. :)

2. Never let your partner disparage you

Personal integrity is valuable asset. Lose that and you lose your identity as a being. Everyone deserves to be treated with value and love. If you have a partner who doesn't respect you, talk to them about it. Let them know how you feel. If it's not something they are willing to change... find someone else. It may not seem like it now but you'll be happier in the long run. =)

3. Keep your Romance alive

Contrary to popular opinion, romance doesn't just exist. After some period of time you do have to put in effort to keep it alive. It doesn't have to be much. In fact, the most romantic people I know just take the time to do the little things to make their partner feel special. Make a commitment to do something romantic at least every day. Remember, even taking the time to really listen to how your partner's day went can be considered romantic!

4.Always be honest

Nothing can damage a relationship more than dishonesty, even white lies. In every case, honesty is the best policy. This also means... don't put yourself in situations you feel the need to lie about. Relationships are built on trust. Once broken it's very difficult to rebuild. Avoid, at any cost, falling into this trap

Hmm, actually..the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Agree? I'm talking about fate here - when feelings are so powerful it's as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams. Lastly, why must we always strive to be loved by another if we really need to just love ourselves?

If the one you desire isn't interested, it's their loss. Don't make it yours

2004-10-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

Ok back! After weeks of M.I.A. Was busy preparing some personal stuffs. Sometimes, i just dont have the mood to go online. Memories. Went for the "My Fair Singaporean Lady" play at University Cultural Centre. First time there though. That's where our prime minister had his national day rally. So much things have been happening lately.

Despite my busy schedule, i am still so disturbed by his words. Well, its nothing serious. So lets drop it. How can one cry so easily? Nearly everyday she will cry and cry. Seems that she's having problem with herself. I asked her, she replied with a firm "NO". She said this... "Its just me being this way. I admit sometimes that i always want things to go my way.. and everybody muz listen to me..!" Well, up to you girl.

Aww, she called me her baby. That's so sweet..!!! A fat bitch! Im lookin at her now.. Do you have a problem with me? Are u treating me this wae coz i dun wanna treat u? Hey, guess what. I dun give a damn. Juz buzz off ! Hate you. U smell, U sucks and U flirt. All in a package!

How can I love this guy, and the glimpse of his true self I’ve seen is far from what I thought he was? So the question lies in myself so deep, so secret, that I don’t even want to think of it, but I must. Do I love him? Do I still want to linger in romance afar? Or do I want move on from my dreams that were conceived almost as many years ago as myself?

Spend 3 daes writing. Damn.

2004-10-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hear my voice and hear the truth. See my eyes and realize the truth. Feel my fingers and you feel what i feel. Taste my tongue and you taste me. Look at my nose and smell my scent. I'm bleeding inside and i feel like i have to hide away from everyone. Especially YOU. The hurt and pain is here. All the pain and damage has been done. There's nothing you can do because i am beginning to hate you. Or should i sae dislike? So much that i want to skin you alive. Yours lies and your steal. My thoughts, my pain and anything apart of you that was in my life, will never heal. Until the day you are gone, and that's when the party's on!

I Talked To Him!!!!

2004-09-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Him: Can we talk about what happened here last night?
Me: Sure, just give me a sec to get all huffy and weird like u.
Him: Alright, so..?
Me: Do you believe that whoever did something over here last night did what
they did or didnt do what they did?
Him: You really dont know what i'm talking about?
Me: Dear, No.. i dont know.
Him: Oh oh shy .. (so cuteeeeee). Okay, i saw my girlfriend kissing some guy
here, under my blk!!!!
Me: Our void deck? Seriously?? Hmm.. are u sure???
Him: Yes, very sure..
Me: So, are you gonna talk to her?
Him: Why? Why should I? I mean.. if she wans to move on, that's fine!!
Me: Jeremy, you know when "that's fine" sounds true, when someone yells at it
and spits. (I dun even understand wat im talkin abt)
Him: Silence. Nah, im serious. Even if she wans to date ppl, its fine with me..
I dun care. At least she could have told me. I've been putting my life
on hold and just concentratin on her. But if she wants to go out there
kissing guys whom she barely even know, so WILL I!!
Me: Erk.. Are u sure???
Him: Yes!! Why not??
Me: U wanna kiss......... guys??
Him: Oh haha, Jeremy's a GAY! (Sarcastically)
Me: Oh okay.. relax dude..

That is the most interesting and funny part to me.. hahaha.. Enjoyed talkin to him man.. So cute.. :)

::// w0t Da FarKs \\::

2004-09-28T01:51:00.000-07:00

Todae is definitely not a good day for me. Firstly, i didnt go to school because of my aching waist. Had a very bad fall at the toilet on Sunday morning. Because of that, i missed a lot of lesson especially EBK. Thought i could go to my school website and do some e-tutor, but apparently the web's down. argHh! So, all i can do is to just sit and rest at home!

It is so typical of guys to ask for s3x whenever we talk about money. Why?? Guys, disgusting creatures on Earth. *They are just like dolphin! WHo mates for fun! *Courtesy of Alex Loh* Hahaha..

Why in God's name i even helped to keep his wallet??? And why do i have to pee on that particular nite!!! Usually i wont go to the toilet man!!

Ok, what a bastard. I'm going off to sleep. Wont be going to school tomorrow. Going to the doctor.

F.R.E.E.D.O.M

2004-09-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's hopes and dreams may never die for as long as you believe in yourself and follow your heart. Kindnesses in your heart will guide you to accomplish many things in life and overcome all challenges, all obstacles, and love. Never give up, always have faith in yourself and you will gain the greatest gift of all, the gift of hope and love you righteously deserve. Whatever you may do in future's way, never let anyone stand in the way of pursuing your dreams and wishes you have always dreamt of in your life. Know that you will always have families and friends to rely on and stand by whenever you need them. Vow to your words and soul that loving others with dignity and respect is the key to achieve great success and everlasting love in life. No matter what you may decide to do in life, the help, and the gratitude, will always be there from me.

I guess we are too close. I mean.. its nothing wrong but avoid seeing each other daily? Maybe that is the reason why we are like this? I dunno, i really dunno. I'll be awae next week. Maybe on the 9th Oct. Going somewhere far. Please dont ask where i'm going. I think i gotta do this to make my life less miserable. Maybe urs too? I miss u a lot todae. Went out alone and juz to get hurt @ the end of the dae. Things alwaes go wrong without you by my side.

My waist.. hurts a lot! Very.. Why? I have no idea.. Becuz of that, my right leg; cramped! I have to go to school tommorrow. Die! What a luck.. Should i go for a check-up? Hmm... I dun have the time..

I've been damaged. I love you. Very much.

This is not me. So mushy todae. Bleahz! Nitess.

So long..

2004-09-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

Finally i have the time to update my journal. What do you want from me actually? Can you please tell me. Don't let me suffer this wae! You just think that i dont care for you right? Well, how sure are you? Can u tell me juz by observing my actions? Baby, i'm the kind of girl who shows concern for everyone and not only to my loved ones k?

You say i'm heartless & u sae i dun care? I used to be there for u...and u've said i seem so dead,that i have changed. But so have you! You've been so thoughtless. I can see right through you. Same, u used to be there for me, but now.. everything's gone.

My dear lecturer had 2 stitches on his wrist. Poor thing.. so careless ah you! He lost his voice too.. Busy working till never take care of his health. Lecturer nowadaes.. Well, wish he gets better soon. *Hugs*

Today is Sunday. B0o0o0o0oorinG! I wanna go out but dunno where... If i were to stay home, i'll go sian all da wae.
Anywae, nothing to add already. Mind's cramped with other stuffs. Cant take it off my mind. I love you baby.

Who's Da Culprit Herrrrrrrre?

2004-09-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Finally, i managed to talk it out with her. I suppose she told me the truth but i can sense a tinge of jealousy in her. Is it true? I dunno.. i'm just assuming..Assuming can be quite bad at times, especially when you get the whole thing wrong! I didnt enjoy school todae. Suprisingly, my friends too..we were so bored that we had to crack a very lame joke regarding lecturers and their personality. Felt happy cuz my classmates agreed me being the class rep..cuz from the teachers' view, they rejected me cuz i am a class rep!!
They even gave me the support and motivates me to become the councillor. :) The problem is, i screwed up my first interview with the president and the ExCo members. :(
Mr Alex said that there will be a second interview with the teachers. "OMG!!" I have no confidence in myself, i'm not confident enuf to go through this. How?!?!?
I wanna be a certified Accountant! Earning and drawing a 5 digit salary. Cool huh? But dont think I can be one. Hey, i can work hard right? Nothing is impossible. :P
I took his picture. Sheila asked for his permission to take his picture and i can see that he is actually blushing!!! Hahaha!! Ok i wanna watch Dodgeball now.. Laterz...

Rebirth To A New Life

2004-09-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

Feeling trapped by life’s tapestry foregone, drowning timelessly in my past, desperately gasping for what-ifs, eminently my breath escapes me. Yet it is not my death but my rebirth.Discovering self perseverance, Excepting that my pen will not rewrite my history and knowing that with each lustrous sunrise, I too will rise, exuding the light that has survived within me, and within us all. I HATE MRS NG MEI HOE!

"This Is My Shop & I Jaga Girls @ Daskar Rd"

2004-09-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy today. Met my dear dear and went shopping. Bought a lot of stuff for myself and also for my family. After shopping, we headed to Newton for supper *delicious* and witnessed a fight. It was so cool and interesting. Haha. =p Then i heard someone saying that "This Is My Shop & I Jaga Girls @ Daskar Rd". I nearly laugh out loud man.. When I turn to take a look, its my old friend! Sundip.. he dressed as if he's a loanshark.. Left the place immediately to avoid him actually. Hehehe.. Tomorrow is Sundae.. Sentosa again.. I'm so gonna be like Juli..hahaha..Okay, eyes so tired.. wanna sleep liao.

I Lurveeeeeeeee Sentosa. :)

2004-09-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I dun really like Sentosa. Why? Becuz' it seems like the place are meant for bikini babes and surfing dudes. That's the most utmost reason why i dun like going there~ Hee! Now, after spending the whole day there with my lecturer and classmates, its definitely a fun place to relax and have fun! Ok, what's the definition of a 'Lecturer'? Someone who lectures us right? In school or wherever that is possible? Alwaes, they appear to be so dull and boring. Guess what? My lecturer isnt! He's the most adorable, fun loving, cheerful, outgoing and..*eHemz..* cute lecturer/teacher i ever had in my entire life! Suprised huh? Ahakz... he can really be a great pal. Well of course when its time to study, we have to be serious. That's what i've been doing. Hehehe! I really enjoyed today after so long. Guess my friend is right..We should at least take a break from everything and "cheonnnnnnng". I have my limits though. Anywae, tried skimming..lol!! fell down once..luckily it was in the sea. Might consider wasting my time trying to balance myself on the board. Haha.. I'm sooo bushed! Zonked out immediately when i reached home..Now i'm up to update my journal. Guess i'm going back to my dreamland..zZzZzZzZzZzZ ~

2004-09-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Me in BlacK wiTh My BeSt fRiEnD~!

This is it.. Souless

2004-09-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

Unwanted appearance makes us more pathetic when we have convinced ourselves that whatever we did in our lives was not worthless; that the life we have spent was not so futile and absurd, as is the case with the majority. However, there is another court , in our internal self that gives its own verdict and we start supressing our internal voice..First day of my online blogging. Seems cool and easy to use... Had an interview with the president and the ExcO members (I think).. The surrounding was so densed. I thought its only one to one basis..but then, i was wrong. Never mind, i guess i gave my best and i have no regrets. =p Sounds familiar huh? Anywaes, tomorrow is my class outing. Organised by my CA. Its supposed to be a CLASS outing and i heard 03's being invited. My classmate, Hawa said that if they were to come.. she will definitely go home..:( Oh Oh.. I have no friends there. Holidaes ending soon. Aniwae, met someone juz now. So cute!! Ok i think i have to prepare my stuff for tomorrow's outing. Muz bring lotsa cash.. Party time!